There's only one Team in Berlin! (the Hancot version)

Last night, there was a 'fan song contest' held in Berlin as part of the cheesy build-up for the WORLD Cup. TeBe decided to enter as a bit of fun and to gain some more sympathy and friends.

In the end, there were only 4 fan groups represented: Hertha BSE, Union Berlin, Togo (!) and TeBe (Bayern Munich and Cologne pulled out at the last minute). A few beers to 'oil the voice' and then we arrived at the Kulturbrauerei to be met by a large group of asthetically unpleasing Hertha fans, who were nonetheless friendly enough despite well outnumbering us. A few more beers were fetched then we entered the cavernous Kesselhaus. Bear in mind at this stage that we were only 7, as someone had falsely informed us that only 5 could sing, when in fact up to 20 were permitted... luckily, we got some back-up later after a demo from Doughnut Boy, Red Devil, 'Nikita' and 'Devil'.

We spent an age deciding on the songs to be sung and the order (such prima donnas :) ) and in the meantime some more beers were drunk, either those smuggled in or tasty Staropramen 'taken' from the VIP room :) We had an impressive line-up of songs, 24 in all, not all of which I knew and I had to spend some time learning 1 or 2 new ones, including one in Hebrew:


Thanks to Ultras71 for the list and the pic (he's the eejit on the video clip with the Holland helmet that he got off ebay!)

Loads of TV and radio crews were present, and interviews were given by our senior representatives (eh Ping Ping Alex?!) but I stayed in the background and kept the banner flying high.

The draw was kind to us. We were due on stage last, time to oil the voices some more and laugh at the others (or shit ourselevs at how we were going to screw up big-style)

Then the fun began. Hertha were up first, and were a bit poo. Too many on stage at once, too many wee girls (nothing against wee girls, but they can't sing football songs, this is a FACT) and too many drunken bums, plus their songs were dull and uninspired.

Then Togo. To be honest, they kicked ass, drums, new songs, dancing, performance-wise, they were the mutt's nuts. HOWEVER, not much in the way of songs, especially not in the way of piss-take songs (their only one was 'South Korea? Out! France? Out! Saudi Arabia? Out! Togo - World Champion!) and imo there should have been a special category for international teams, either way it would have been unfair. But they still rocked the place.

Then a wee DJ break, then Union, our big Eastern rivals. Tbh, I thought they were damn good. They had loads of supporters too, whereas we had, erm, no-one (TeBe doesn't have any fans, after all). Some good anti-Vorwaerts and anti-Dynamo songs, well-sung, they got lots of applause (also from me) after each chant, but imo their songs tending to go on a bit long, and they didn't have enough variety.

Then it was our turn. I thought we were a bit disappointing, possibly cos we were so few, possibly cos the crowd didn't really react much to us or looked non-plussed (we got a few rounds of applause) but we did manage to unite Union and Hertha fans in hatred against us in anti-TeBe songs (lila-weisse! Westberliner Scheisse! which we sang along with to wind them up even more :) ) which I suppose was a success in itself, after all, that's what the piss-take songs were all about... We were led superbly by Ultras 71, a big crazy eejit with a purple wig and Holland helmet (I love you big man ;) )Our repetoire frankly kicked ass, from versions of 'Buffalo TeBe', 'TeBe Party Army', 'God save TeBe' (which I sang for once! All in the cause, but NEVER AGAIN!) versions of the Soviet and Italian national anthems; to a mockery of other fans calling us gay because of our purple colours, with the songs 'lila-weiss ist schwul' (purple-shite is gay) and 'Wir sind TeBe, wir sind TeBo, und wir wollen in euren Po' (We're TeBe, We're TeBo, and we want in your asses!) to the coup de grace, 'Caravan of Love' a la TeBe.

The English moderator guy was a bit of a penis to be honest, he knew his stuff but just talked crap and was a bit peinlich (embarrassing).

We got off stage, got our free beer with our token things, and the wait began. There was a jury of 4 who voted on the whole thing, and they took time to deliberate. Then the comments about each team, which were mostly always complimentary and non-commital, and the results, in order of performance. Iirc, Hertha got 91 (out of 120), Togo 96, Union a bit less, then came our results. The first fu cking judge gave us 11/30, that was it, I thought. Then the others. 29, 29, 30!!! There was a load of celebration, but I was a bit pissed and not too good at the maths, so I stayed seated on the floor and didn't even realise we'd won till I saw all the others storming onto the stage.

So I bounced up and jumped around like a loon. Our prize was 3 little barrels of Becks and and a portable tap-thing. We hoisted them in the air like trophies and sang a few more provocative songs, much to the disgust of most of the other fans, who then left. Others stayed and congratulated us, and interviews were given again.

I was even interviewed, I said sth cheesy and predictable along the lines of:

Interviewer: "So how you going to celebrate then?"
Me: "By drinking every last drop of these barrels now, we have to!"

A video of the event, which is a bit cheesy and hardly features the winners, can be viewed here.

A bit of dancing was done to the Togo beat, then we dropped off the beers at Doughnut Boy's (he better make sure the TeBe fans get to drink it, although the World Cup does begin tomorrow...) and then some more celebratory beers outside the Kastanie with Bronski and Thorsten and co, where I was hassled by some freaky Catholic Jesus freak who called me a fascist because I asked him why he only played me Catholic rebel tunes on the tin whistle he happened to have with him. My repeated question of "I'm an athiest. Are you a Catholic?" soon had the fecker scarpering, though he still managed to give me his card, which is in Mauerpark somewhere!

So TeBe fans managed to follow the players in representing the club prestigiously and winning the trophy. I think some of the players should have been there to support US for once!

"EVERY WOMAN, EVERY MAN, JOIN THE CARAVAN OF LOVE, TEBE, TEBE TEBE!"